An Anthology

Well, it's been a little bit and honestly, I have not been NOT dating, just haven't been inspired to share the dates.  Inspiration serves many purposes, the last batch (yes, batch) of dates have all been less than inspirational in so many ways.  Hence, the anthology.  First off, an anthology is a collection of stories (just in case you were wondering), this will allow me to put these seemingly ill-conceived dates all in one place (and then the past). I'll start with these two: 

1.  The Hisser - We chatted online for a few days.  He seemed nice enough, offered to meet up locally at a restaurant.  I said okay, but just for drinks (I'm not stupid - this time).  We met and I ordered a drink, as did he.  He started to talk and when he turned his head to me, he had a gap between his two top front teeth wide enough to sail a yacht through.  Funny, all his pictures (and I doubled checked after) had smiles without showing teeth.  (I will now put that on my *warning list).  Each time he talked to me, he hissed (imagine a snake) and spit through that gap (such talent, right?).
  I backed up a bit thinking I'll suffer through my drink, thank him and be on my way.  Unfortunately, each time I moved back, he came forward.  At one point, he was literally leaning over my lap.  I will say, he had to have serious stomach muscles to lean in that far and not use a brace of any sort.
I found myself at an impasse, the conversation deteriorated to talking about the "lucky" guy seated next to us who was enjoying a free show from his date (she was very well-endowed and barely covering it up).  I excused myself and went to the bathroom.  I sent out the SOS from there and within three minutes, I bailed (I have some awesome friends!).  I offered excuses and left my only half-drank drink.  I practically ran to my car and got out of there.

By the time I got to my next destination, (home to take a much needed shower), he'd texted me:  "I guess I was good enough to pay for your drink."  Not sure how to take that, and to be honest, I don't care to think about it.  I prefer, rather to think of "truth in advertising".   

2.  The "I'm ready to move on" guy - I'll call him, Misfire.  We texted for two days.  He was pleasant enough.  His pictures were decent - a little older looking than I would normally go for but I though maybe his personally would make up for it; up until that point, in texting it did.  So, I agreed to dinner.  I know, dinner is such a commitment and I KNOW better.  I like to consistently challenge myself, so dinner it was.  I showed up early (anyone who knows me, knows this is a rarity.)  I took advantage of the extra time to have a drink.  Misfire didn't drink, at all (never a good sign).  I guzzled my drink and sat at the bar with water, just in case.  (One should never have to hide their habits - and yes, drinking is a habit).  Anyway, he finally showed up and I gave him a side hug since I was seated.  He wasn't bad looking and had a quick wit.  Good signs, right?

We went to the hostess and asked for a table.  As the hostess was talking, he pulls me over into a bear hug and whispers in my ear, "thanks for that, I had to feel you".  Ummm, excuse me.  Before I could say anything the hostess said, "after me," while looking rather embarrassed.  I didn't want to make her feel worse so I smiled and followed obediently.  He followed behind us.  We sat down and he began to talk about other things and I started to think, maybe I misunderstood?  Could that be possible?  I don't know.

The conversation started out benign enough and then I asked the question .... "So, tell me, what happened?"

He seemed reluctant for about two seconds and then went all in.  Damn!  Yup, I found out way too much.  I mean most people might say something along the lines of "it didn't work out" or "she cheated" etc.  Not Misfire.  No, he told me about how she skimmed tens of thousands of dollars from their business to finance her drug habit, her neglect of home and body, how incredible their sex life was and how she threatened to take him out more than once.  Along with this, (as if this isn't enough) he tells me how he couldn't wait to "nail her to the wall" for all the money she spent and he has had to pay back, leaving him practically homeless, taking care of her college-aged son; this after he told me the only way he managed to pay back said money was through prayer and guidance.

I guess my facial expressions tipped him off...and the fact I practically inhaled my steak.  I ventured that he probably shouldn't be dating until he was over his wife, to which he responded with complete indigence.  He said the only reason he couldn't leave her was because of the "earth-shattering sex".  Yes, that was a quote.  He went on to explain how he would never find that again. It was "once in a lifetime" and that was the reason "I couldn't leave that sex! I mean, have you ever had the best sex of your life? How could you just leave it?"

Okay - pause... you're on a date with someone new and you're going on and on about how fantastic your "almost" ex-wife was in bed and how you'll NEVER find that kind of physical fulfillment ever again.  Just a hint for those reading - this is a bad move.  Not if you ever expect to have sex ever again - good, bad or otherwise. 

Okay - unpause... I must of rolled my eyes.  He reached across the table and began to explain ... "you know that sex is wonderful.  You are an adult and I'm an adult, having sex is a pure act of cleansing.  It takes all the bad and makes everything great again," he said.  "Sex is necessary for everyone.  It's like eating food, you have to eat so why not eat with me?"

I nodded and took a drink of my water, wishing it had something a lot stronger in it! He continued, "Food is good for the soul and sex is the same.  Something that everyone needs.  You need it to survive and to validate yourself," and then he added, "even though I know sex will NEVER be as good as it was with her, I had to leave and I can have sex with anyone now.  I'm a good looking man who deserves it and more".

I snickered.  Yes, I did.  I leaned back and said, "You're right, you aren't a bad looking guy.  Not completely unfortunate looking and you do deserve to dine well and have as much as sex as you want," as I smiled.

He looked hopeful and said, "So, you know, you had dinner with me, you can have sex with me.  It will be okay."

I nodded and said, "Yes, I did have food with you.  It was okay and I could have sex with you.  I would be okay, maybe after some therapy and possibly a doctor visit.  Ultimately, though, it boils down to this ... (I paused for effect and to see if he caught the doctor comment - which he did not)".

He said, "Yes?"

I took my water, took a sip and set the glass down in a deliberate motion.  "The thing is, I don't want to," I said while shaking my head and smiling.

He said, "Oh".

Thinking, I'm done here, I started to stand as I thanked him for dinner and told him good luck. He stood at the same time and we walked toward the door.  As if all of the conversation shouldn't have let him know exactly where he stood with me, he asked me, "So, can I get a hug?"

I laughed and said, "No, I don't think that's a good idea.  You don't seem to take a hint and I wouldn't want to confuse you as I'm leaving."

"Oh, okay, well, if you want to go out again, just call me.  I'm good," he said to my back as I was walking away from him toward my car.  I threw him a backhanded wave without turning around.

Really?  Not sure how people like that get through life.  I thought I was rather blunt.

Stay tuned for more of the anthology ...

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

My goodness... it's hard to describe this debacle.  In fact, it wasn't even a debacle. A debacle would imply fun and debauchery! but this night - we barely made it past acquaintances.   Okay, let's start at the beginning. 

I had begun talking to this individual about three days prior.  His profile said, 5'10", 180lbs, single, in the medical profession and a master's degree.  All of these things are promising.  Allow me to state here - I'm not one to instantly blow off an individual just because he's not tall enough or if he weighs over a certain number, nor do I discriminate when it comes to educational level.  I read the whole profile and try to get a feel for the person.  If the profile says something that I don't agree with or implies a certain likelihood that I am against, then yes, I will pass them by but not before I've read the whole thing.  It's kind of like a three-strikes you're out system.  I don't have to agree with everything but if I disagree with three stated items, there's a pretty good chance, we are not a match.

Taking that into consideration, this individual was a jokester - not all of them were funny.  Hell, to be honest, only one out of five were funny and then only moderately.  I told him I was slow to get the texts to allow him to think, it was me, not him.  We agreed to meet and have "dinner" at a local chain restaurant.  I am against dinners (look at my previous blogs to get the reasoning behind that) so I agreed to drinks.  He didn't get the hint and kept referring to it as dinner.  Regardless, I got there and sat at the bar.  I ordered myself a martini ... little did I know, I would REALLY need it. 

I saw him as he passed the windows outside.  I should have gone for the bathroom.  I didn't think about it at the time.  In the future, I will keep that in mind.  I cringed.  His picture was of a forty-ish guy and he was definitely NOT that.  He walked in with white hair and a limp.  This is karma.  I've done something to someone and now I am being asked to pay up.  Fine.  I'll do it, if only to clear my tab with Karma. 

He walked up to the bar.  There are two women at the bar.  One is blonde (me) and the other is brunette.  He looks at me and then at his phone and checks something, then looks up, "Reine?" he says expectantly.

"No, I'm Mary," I said. 

He turned his head and says, "Oh" and starts to walk away.  I smile and say, "Of course, Reine!, I was being funny - you're a jokester, I thought you'd like that". 

He smiled hesitantly and says, "oh, yeah, hahaa".  He sits next to me and asks for a drink menu.  The bartender gives him some advice and he goes for a Moscow Mule.  Interesting since his profile specifically said, he did not drink.  That's a pretty good cocktail for someone who doesn't drink.  File that away. 

We sit, he orders "snacks".  Not one, not two but three.  I can barely eat all of them and the one is so spicy, my tongue is on fire!  Needless to say, I stuck to the green beans and that was good enough for me.  During our initial conversation - I received not one, not two but three phone calls.  All of which, I needed to take.  One was work and the other two family.  I did get up and walk out (with his blessing) to make a personal call.  I came back in and he was much more engaged with the bartender (who was maybe 22-years-old) than with me.  I saw she was uncomfortable and I made excuses for us to leave.  She nodded her thanks!

At this point, I was ready to call it a night.  We really hadn't hit it off and I found out he was not who he wrote himself to be.  He wrote of himself of who he USED to be.  He USED to work in the medical profession.  He USED to be employed by the local university/hospital.  He USED to be important.  He told me he had had an accident and tried to "fix" himself and ended up destroying his entire career.  Evidently, a love of alcohol and speed and an omnipotent attitude does not a successful man make. 

I had to ask, because in his profile, he wrote one thing and now he was telling me something completely different.  "What is that you do, again," I asked stuffing a green bean in my mouth. 

"I'm a bar back and I wait tables," he said.  "You know, not many restaurants train people as well as my restaurant. I mean I know wines but really Scotch and beers - not so much," he explained.  I have to admit, I missed the rest of the conversation because I was sitting there thinking - Whiskey Tango Hotel!  How did he go from the medical profession to a bar back?  Not that being a waiter or a bar back is bad, but why lie?  Be who you are.  Own it.  I can respect that. 

So, his pictures are out of date.  He says he's not a drinker, when clearly (as he downs his second Moscow Mule) he is.  And, he is not a medical professional (anymore), he works in the restaurant business.  Mmmmmm, that's three ... and let's not forget, he was hitting on a 22-year-old bartender in front of me.  Yeah, this needs to end. 

We leave the restaurant and as I face him to say, "thanks, it was great to meet you", he says, "So, where to next?" 

OMG!  Will this never end?  I know I should have made an excuse but he threw me off guard.  I looked up and said, "Oh, well, there - across the street - is good".  He grabbed my hand and off we strode.  He wanted to sit outside, which was fine but then after he ordered a beer - (Mr. Non-Drinker my arse) - he asked to go inside because it was "chilly" outside.  WTH?  It was 85 degrees.  What is chilly about that? 

We went inside and proceeded to continue to talk.  Actually, he explained his relationships to me.  He didn't like his first wife, nor the child that reminded him of her.  He only likes the child that reminded him of himself.  He catered to that one and not the other.  I explained perhaps he could reach out and in time, that could help with his relationship - yea, it fell on deaf ears.  He went on to explain how he was not a Trump fan.  People, if nothing else, I am NOT political.  I don't care.  It's not about who is in office and what they are doing.  It's the fact that he is in office and I can't change anything about it whether I wanted to or not.  Politics are boring!  For me, if you need to discuss politics, you have run out of all other conversational tools.  Right or wrong, I am not the person to debate politics with.   SOOOO many other things are good conversational subjects. 

Which brings me to his next subject  ... marijuana.  I don't care what you do in your home behind closed doors.  I don't have to like it, nor do I have to condone it.  In fact, I'd rather not know one way or the other.  However, if I am going to date you or worse, consider anything else with you, the statement, "I would much rather smoke marijuana than drink alcohol" is not the statement to use. 

Yup, homeslice the liar said just that.  Buzzkill, mood killer, fun sucker - all of the above, I was done.  Not just a little done, but truly DONE!  You lie, often and then you throw out there that you do drugs on top of everything else (I won't mention he said he was a non-smoker).   I couldn't finish the beer fast enough. 

I looked at him and took a deep breath.  "Look, did you just say, you'd rather smoke than drink?" I asked. 

"Well, I did but I don't do that anymore," he said with a pleading look in his eye. "I'm not a Trump guy," he said. 

"What does Trump have to do with smoking pot?" I asked with a look of indignance on my face.

"Well, I just thought, I don't know, maybe, you know, Virginia is looking at legalizing it after Colorado made so much money," he stammered.

"Yea, I don't care what you do with your life, but I don't have to be a part of it or condone it," I told him. 

The waitress came up and asked if I would like another beer or another Scotch (for him, the non-drinker).  I shook my head and he asked for the check.  Finally, I was thinking it was going to end. 

He got the check and went through his wallet - he put down some bills and looked at me.  I raised my eyebrows questioning? 

"Do you have a ten?" he asked. 

"Umm, no, I have no cash," I answered.  Seriously, you can't afford your own drinks? I had a $3 Stella. 

"Oh, I don't have enough,... I'm sorry." he said. 

"How much is it?" I asked. 

"$26," he said.  I looked in my purse and pulled out three ones.  I put them on the table.  I said, "this is all I have."

"Oh, well that's enough," he said.  "You ready?" he asked, rushing to stand as he put a napkin over the cash/ tab.

I didn't think about it at the time but he didn't pay the full tab.  He didn't tip the waitress and he stiffed her a couple of bucks too.  Wow, what a loser!

We walked out and I saw some street dancers.  I went over and watched them for a bit.  He said he had to go to the bathroom.  I said okay and ventured down to the dancers.  I started a conversation and got them to play something for me.  I showed them some techtonik moves and danced in the square.  It was the most fun I had for the whole night.
 
When the song came to an end, I looked up and he was there, looking into the street.  I walked up to him and said hey.  He said he thought I'd left.  He texted me (I didn't see it until I got to my car) and he was (in his words) "pissed". 

I asked him what was going on (I hadn't read the text yet) and he said he called an Uber.  I was happy about that because he was not able to stand up straight or walk without weaving.  Mr. Liar was drunk.  Mr. Liar Non-Drinker, himself was hammered.  (what a lightweight, just saying).

I told him okay and I went to cross the street to get my car.  He caught my arm and pulled me to him for a kiss.  I pulled away and looked at him.  He asked, "What? you aren't going to take me home to your place?"  I couldn't help it.  I laughed - out loud.  "Um, right?  You coming to my place?  Yea, that is NOT going to happen. Where is your Uber?"  I asked. 

He stepped back with am unsure step and seemed rather put out.  "It's the least you can do," he said.  I chose to ignore that and left to cross the street.  I was going to get my car and get out of there and as far away from Mr. Liar Non-Drinker, lightweight as quickly as possible.  As I went to enter the parking garage, he yelled, "I'll be here, waiting!" 

I went to my car and called a friend.  I figured if I talked for a few minutes, the Uber would come and all would go well.  During my call to my friend, Mr. Liar called three times.  He texted twice wanting to know where I was and when was I coming to get him.  I texted back and said, I was on the phone, did your Uber arrive yet? 

I decided after 10 minutes that I would go.  I started the car and proceeded to leave.  I had to follow the signs since it was a parking garage.  As luck would have it, one exit was blocked and I had to take another.  I didn't realize it but I was going out the back entrance - not the front where Mr. Liar was "waiting for his Uber".  I made it home only to receive a text, and I quote: "In my book tonight was a complete bust! I wish U only wish U the best of luck. We are complete opposite. Don't text me since your number is now blocke-d.  I wish you only the best." 

I responded with, "Thank you."  Did he receive it?  I think so.  If he didn't, I don't care.  That is one hanger on that this woman does not need.  He had mentioned marriage a few times and I believe that was what he was looking for - someone who could take care of him.  He wasn't that cute, he wasn't that funny and he sure as hell was NOT truthful... NO thank you!  I'll let Will Smith illustrate my sentiment ... 

Grandpa's Number

You've heard it a bunch of times how people say, "Oh please, age is just a number!" Now, most people when they say that are referring to an age gap - I'm 25 and you're 40 - oh age is just a number, sure.  I get that.  But then there are those you refer to how they act - I'm 45 but I feel 27, age is just a number.  Do you see the difference?  I never really thought about it.  I mean, I am "older than 40" and I truly do not act my age.  Age has never defined me so I take people at face value when they say, "Age is just a number". 

Allow me to introduce you to example A (not an actual photo): 
We'll call him, Grandpa.  I don't know if he has any

grand kids or not, it's more of an attitude than a position.  I texted Grandpa for most of the morning.  His pictures were decent, out on a deck near the water, in the water and one close up of his head and shoulders.  He wasn't completely unfortunate looking although the angle did a lot to cover up the bald spot in the back of his head but I digress.  We texted and chatted a bit - nothing too personal.  He was originally from NJ (should have been my first clue), he moved down last year and bought his 5600 square feet house near the water in January (not sure why it was necessary to tell me the square footage - not like I'm ever going to see it, let alone live in it).  He has two daughters (both grown and in different stages of college).  He's an engineer (should have seen that as another clue, too).  So, with all this basic knowledge, when he asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink, I said yes.  Oddly, I shrugged as I said it.  (Another clue.)

So we met ... at the local watering hole - scene to "Boy" from my last blog.  Maybe I should reconsider where I meet these people?  Of course, the venue does not determine the likelihood of attraction so... that point may be moot.  So, we agree to meet.  I left work (a little later than I should have to be on time - another clue).  Of course, the traffic was worse than usual but I managed to get to the parking garage by five after.  I did receive a text from Grandpa telling me, he too, was caught up in the traffic and would be a few minutes late.  How convenient. 

I parked my car and walked to the venue.  I went in and sat at the bar, asked about the happy hour specials and proceeded to order myself a drink.  Now, let me remind you of something here.  Grandpa and I NEVER exchanged names.  He doesn't know mine (although he thinks he does based on my screen name but that's not my REAL name) and I never asked for his (yet, another clue).  Also, Grandpa does NOT have my phone number, nor I his.  He and I communicate solely through the dating app (yup, another clue).  Sometimes, I seriously wonder if Clairol seeps into my brain cells and dulls my senses.  I should have seen the signs - the clues were there.  I'm sure you know where this is going ...

As I sat there and took a sip of my drink, my phone showed an alert.  I checked, yup it was from Grandpa.  He said he made it.  I replied with, "I'm at the bar." Only to get a turn around response of, "me too! in the front, where are you?"  With this, I got up, grabbed my drink and proceeded to go to the other side of the bar.  I looked at the bar and saw a man (tall, leaning over the bar with a tummy that practically touched his knees) and hoped to God and all that is Holy to not be him.  Thankfully, the guy at the table turned around and said, "Hey!"  I dodged that one, right?  Or so I thought. 

I smiled and said, "Hi!"  He already had a drink and a slice of bread with some kind of sauce on the side.  I took in the scene and said nothing.  I sat down across from him. 

"How long have you been here?  I didn't see you come in?," he asked.

I smiled and said, "Oh, I just got here," as I took a long sip of my drink.  Already I started thinking about how long this was going to last.  Perhaps it showed on my face, I don't know.  He asked me something and before I could answer, the worst waitress ever showed up.  (I am not just saying that, she is the WORST waitress ever unless you are a man).  She swooped in and proceeded to interrupt with, "Hello Darlin', how do you like..." and then she noticed me (how she could miss me considering she had to avoid walking into me to get to the table, I don't know), "Oh, I see you have a drink, everything else okay?" with the most insincere smile on her face.  You know those smiles.  The one you make when you were just told you have to work on Saturday after you were told you didn't.  Yea, that one.  Girlfriend was NOT happy I was sitting at her table.  Whatever, I smiled and said, " Yes, I have everything I need, thanks, " with a wink and equally insincere smile.  Grandpa on the other hand, smiled a huge smile and told her, "Put her drink on my tab, Darlin'".  Not sure of the appeal but I think I may have thrown up a little in my mouth. 

The conversation continued and ventured from his "stately" manor to how deep the water was around his house.  Like I cared.  I asked how he was fairing on the website - he said something non-committal.  He asked how I was fairing ... to liven up the conversation I told him about how people like to send hello's via photos instead of words.  Typically, this would spark a conversation of how inappropriate that is, perhaps to shock and/ or possibly annoyance.  Yea, in this instance he chuckled and took another drink of his "baby" beer.  (the glass looked like something I would use for a tea party for seven-year-olds).   Conversation continued - content was inane and boring.  I steered it to something I liked - dancing.  I told him that I went dancing at the club two weeks ago. 

"At the club?" he asked. 

"Yes, you know the places that play loud music," I said raising my eyebrows and giving the look of duh that I usually reserve for my children or really slow people.
 
"Oh, right.  Who still goes out to a club?  I'm in bed by 9pm every night," he countered as he looked down into his almost empty baby glass.

"Well,..." I started, as the WORST waitress (WW) ever swooped in again and asked if we'd like a second round.  Grandpa actually was thinking about it and I jumped in and said, "Yes, that would be great!"
To which Grandpa said, "Yes, but I want something different - I want the 'gaaawpooo" or whatever that is, I don't know how to say it," as he laughed along with WW.  WW took her leave and I looked at the board where all the IPAs were listed.  The drink he ordered was an el Guapo.  I looked at him and pronounced it for him.  He shrugged his shoulders.  I translated it for him.  "It means the most handsome".  He smiled and said, "how fitting".  I smiled in return but it was more of a, "wow, you think highly of yourself, don't you?"  He thought I was in agreement so I let him go with that. 

He excused himself to use the bathroom.  I told him where it was.  Small bladder on top of everything else.  I can not do this. 

"So, what DO you listen to?" he asked when he returned, as WW returned with our drinks.  I said, "EDM." I knew full well, he had NO idea what that was.  I went on to dumb it down for him - he finally nodded when I said, "it's like Techno but better." I took a long sip of my drink and was quite happy it was not a double like I normally order.  I could not handle this guy.

"Oh, well, I can't stay awake most nights.  I like to sit on my deck and watch the water, and fall asleep in my chair," he said as he avoided eye contact.  If I didn't know prior, I definitely knew now, this is done.  Just gotta work on my exit. 

"Well, you know, as you age, sleep does become more important to many," I threw out there to see if he'd bite.

"Yes, sleep is very important.  What time do you get up if you go out the club - do you close them or just visit?" he asked.

"Actually, it depends on the company and the music, if it's good, I close the club, if not, I leave.  Point is I stay up a lot of times til 2-3am," I said with a challenge in my eyes. 

"Okay, but what time do you get up?" he countered.

"5:30am - 6am depending on whether I go to the gym. Of course, I may also take a nap at Noon but that's perfectly okay," I said with a twist of a grin. 

"haha, you know when you get older, most give up there 'wayward' ways," he said trying to not sound condescending.  I picked up on it and said, "Well, I might be xx years old but I don't need that to define my actions."

"Age is just a number," he said. 

"If age is just a number why do so many determine how they will act and what activities they engage in based solely on their age?" I demanded.

"I like being my age. I need to be my age.  I am active and stay active in accordance with my age." he said.

I began to laugh...just then WW appeared and asked if we needed another round.  I shook my head and he said,"No, we need to get going".  Did we ever?  I was dying from his cookie cutter conformist attitude not to mention his need to use the bathroom every 20 minutes. 

I was off the chair and started to walk toward the door.  Thankfully we were in opposite directions.  He said something (I just smiled and threw out the "it was nice to meet you too" line not even sure that's what he had said.)  I didn't care.  I wanted to go.  I turned my back and left. 

Age is just a number - in the future, I'm going to have to ask for qualifiers - because for this gal, I could be 100 but as long as I can dance, I'll be going to the club.  I'll be on the dance floor and I'll be shaking my bootie because I can.  To me, age IS just a number, to others it's a metaphor for time and longing to be old.  Go on Grandpa, go back to your deck and your water and beer and don't forget your blanket for when you fall asleep, alone. 

Return to Innocence?

Hopefully, you've had an opportunity to read my last blog and truly taken it to heart.  Since that was an intermission, I used it to think about what I really wanted to achieve - am I going about this the right way?  Am I agreeing to meet people thinking it's not one for the books, but more like one for the blog?  So, I decided to go back over my filtering material and choose someone I might actually like.

We'll call him the Boy next door.  His profile was innocent enough - tall enough, fit enough, didn't smoke, no kids and no ex's.  How is that even possible?  I didn't ask at the time.  One, sometimes, should just say thank you and move on.  Well, I should have moved on ... more on that in a bit.

So "Boy" was polite and seemed nice.  We texted back and forth without incident and even talked on the phone.  He truly seemed okay.  We decided to meet at a local watering hole.  A place with happy hour until 7pm.  He had said something to me on the phone just prior to agreeing to meet that stayed with me.

"Time is a commodity I refuse to waste.  So, if I'm not interested, I have no problem telling you face- to-face, right then and there," he said.  I agreed without thought - I wanted to get off the phone.  But his statement stuck with me.  Of course, I would love to be able to tell someone straight up that I'm not interested but, and I don't think I'm alone in this, no one wants to hurt someone else's feelings right?

I shrugged it off and went about my business.  Before I knew it, it was time to meet "Boy".  I was pulling into the parking lot when I got the text.  "I'm here, I got a table, just waiting for you."  "Okay," I texted in return.

I parked the car, walked across the lot to the pub and went in.  I hate having to find someone, especially if you've never met them.  I mean, what if they don't look like their photo? (yes, it does happen).

The hostess asked me if I was meeting "Boy" and I said yes.  At least he had taken care of the hunt for that evening.  I was shown to a table.  From behind, Boy looked just like his picture. Straight back, broad-ish shoulders, dark brown hair... I found myself thinking - MAYBE?

Then I turned around the table and saw him.  REALLY saw him.  Sure, he was tall enough, fit enough and had his teeth (I think) and his hair (from what I could tell from afar), but the man was old enough to be my father.

He stood up and pulled my chair, sort of, out for me.  I sat down and immediately started thinking exit strategies.  Who did I tell I was going out tonight?  What was that word I had to use for the exit?  So many thoughts running through my head as I found myself sitting across from Boy.  What the heck was I thinking?  I know better than this.  I should have met at the bar - not the table.  Oh well, I'm there now, so I had to suck it up and go with it.

He started the conversation, innocuous enough, however, I couldn't pay any attention.  I tried to smile and insert an "oh really," "wow," or a chuckle here and there when seemingly appropriate.  He ordered us drinks, for me a beer and for him some seriously girly drink one might expect a 21-year-old boy to order (sex on the beach).  Yea, he had delusions of grandeur.

We sat for a while, I don't know how long.  Honestly, my mind was focused on the fact that I did not want to be there and this guy was not what he proclaimed to be.  I started to count his wrinkles.  There were so many.  They ran one right into the other.  He reminded me of the super hero, the rock man in the movie, "Fantastic Four."  He must have some mad filtering skills for his pictures!   I remembered what he said about not wasting time and telling people "up front".  I thought more on it as he ordered himself a second or maybe, a third drink.  I couldn't help it... it just came out.


"I'm sorry, I just can't do this," I blurted out.  Like word vomit.  I pride myself on being nice but sometimes words happen. 

"What?" he said.

"Look your pictures make you look at least 10 years younger and I know I should just be polite and allow you to prattle on but I can't.  I feel bad ... actually, you know what?  I don't.  You made the comment about time.  Not being wasted, etc.  Well, I'm not going to waste any more of yours or mine," I said as I wiped my napkin across my mouth and stood up.  "Thank you for the beer and good luck." 

The look of shock and perhaps a little bit of awe was apparent on his face.  I started to leave and realized I didn't want to.  I didn't want to leave the pub, just him.  So, I made my way to the bar by myself and ordered a bourbon.  Nothing like a nice stiff drink to take the edge off a bad date. 

It was interesting though, about 10 minutes later some buddies of mine from work showed up and I ended up playing pool and chatting with them for the rest of the night.  It turned out to be a good night. 

What's the moral of this story?  I guess it would have to be, "The truth shall set you free." 

Remember, on a first date, you don't have to worry about doing something wrong and saying something wrong - it's a meeting.  The sole purpose is to see if there is a spark or a desire or even a chance of friendship, love, etc.  So, be yourself!  Nothing worse than having to fake it!  Besides, YOU are a great person - just ask your friends! 

Intermission

So, it's been five dates now and as you have read ... they just are not going anywhere.  How do I know how to handle the outcomes?  Well, there are some unwritten and written (after today) unofficial rules.  I've been asked to write something that explains the "rules," that I follow, of online dating. 

Please understand - these are MY rules.  If you do not like MY rules, don't follow them.  I promise not to be upset (besides, I probably will never know). 

Okay... the Rules according to ME:

ONE:  Messaging - have something more to say than "Hi". The initial message needs to grab my attention and should grab theirs!  It doesn't need to meet a 100-word count but say something witty - use their profile.  Look for something, ANYTHING and mention it.  You'll get more responses that way.

TWO:  Okay, you've been messaging - he's offered his phone number and says to "text anytime".  Ask yourself two questions:  1.  Do you REALLY want to talk to this guy/gal? and 2.  Do you REALLY want to meet up with this guy/gal?

I know those questions may seem odd, right?  You would not be messaging with this person if you did not want to a. talk to them or b. meet them, right?  WRONG!  Many of us will message with someone without the intent of ever meeting them or actually talking with them.  Why?  EGO!  Yup, I went there!  Who doesn't want to see that they have eight messages waiting or 15?  You know you like it.  I like it!  So, take number two for what it is BEFORE you give out your number.

THREE:  How long is long enough to agree to meet?  If you've read my previous blogs (and I hope you have), you'll see that I have met up the same day as the initial message.  I've also waited a week or so after messaging and texting.  There is NO specific time you need to wait.  It's all up to you!  For the ladies ... TRUST YOUR GUT!  Your intuition will lead you well, trust it.  For the gentlemen, I have nothing - I'm not a guy.  Sorry.

FOUR: Where to meet - everyone should know to meet at a VERY public place.  No one ever really knows about people and a public place offers opportunities for meeting and disappearing (Houdini).  The place will probably also dictate the length of time!  Be careful with this (read Doc and No Neck for more on this). 

Label  and length of time (approximate)

Meet for Drinks/Coffee - approximate 20-minute minimum 
Meet for Lunch - approximate  30-minute to 1-hour minimum/ maximum 
Meet for Dinner - approximate 1-2 hours minimum depending on where you go 

Your time is valuable!  If you have met the minimums (above) and are not feeling the date, it is OKAY to leave.  Tell whomever, "well, thank you for the ... I must be going now."  We all have an allotted time and one should not be wasting it on invaluable moments!  If you agree to lunch or dinner - have you talked on the phone, do you really feel drawn to the person?  because if you don't that hour or two could be one or two of the longest hours of your life! 

FIVE:  You've met and now the date is done.  How to end it? 
If you like the person and want to see them again, tell them (but only if you think it is mutual).  You can tell.  Did they touch your arm while they talked to you? Did they look you in the eyes as they spoke?  Did they listen when you spoke? and respond?   When you were sitting, did they turn to face you with their whole body or just their head?  Did they lean into you?  Smile while they talked? 

A special caveat here - all of the above indicate interest, however, you will need to consider if it's genuine or if it's of the "one-night" version.  It doesn't matter to me but understand the difference and know what YOU want. 

SIX:  Let's say they did all those things and you've decided to continue to date at his/her place.  Things happen and everyone leaves happy in the morning.  How to proceed? 

  First, ask yourself, was it a one-off? or do you want more? 
  Second, is he/ she texting saying how lovely of an evening it was - so glad to have met you? 

  Let's work on the premise it all went well and now it's done.  The light of day is a harsh reminder of reality sometimes.  How to let them go - nicely as to not adversely affect your karma.

  1.  DO NOT text them.  Silence is a great way to tell them you are done. 
  2.  IF they text you with niceties and want to see you again.  DO NOT respond immediately.  The length of time between texts is important.  Too soon and you're showing impatience.  Too long and you are showing lack of interest.  In this case, you want a longer period of time.  Give it an hour. 
  3. WHEN you respond, DO NOT apologize for the length of time it took to respond.  A solid text in response:  "I had a good time as well.  It was good to meet you."  I realize this may be a bit curt but think about it.  If you sent a text and received that one in return - what would you think?  I would be like, "ummm, yeah, not texting you again."
  4.  NOW some folks do not have emotional intelligence and will NOT pick up on the clue. They will text again ... Let's do it again or are you free this weekend?  Second response - again, wait ... a day or two.  Silence is beautiful.  By this point, one would assume he or she is talking to their friends and one of the friends has clued them in. 

SEVEN:  Let's say all did not go well and you just want to leave.  IF you want to leave during your "date" - have a code word set up in advance.  I always tell a friend where I am going, who I am supposed to meet and send them a screenshot of that person.  I also have a "code" word set up so if I text that word to my friend, they know to text me with an "emergency".  

Let's take last weekend as an example, I was having an okay time but he just wouldn't give me space.  It was getting on my nerves. I finally texted my friend the word "ORANGE"  - just ORANGE.  She immediately sent me a text saying she was ill and needed my help NOW!  Please come home.  I used this and made my excuses. (well, it was a little more than that but you'll have to wait for those details in one of my future blogs).  Point is, it's a built-in escape plan.  HAVE ONE!!

EIGHT:  You've agreed to texting and discover "You're just not that into them" - How to let them know, you've changed your mind.  Again, SILENCE.  Texting has taken over and many prefer to text than to talk so prepare yourself to be misunderstood and misrepresented.  Texts are only as good as the two people interpreting them.  There is an official term for the silent treatment.  It's called going GHOST or GHOSTING someone.  Basically, you just stop acknowledging their existence and you become a ghost to them. 

NINE:  You had a date and it was okay but you're not attracted to them in that way.  You don't want to be mean.  You ignore their texts for a couple of days and they still are texting you.  My favorite is:  "If I did something wrong, please tell me."   In an effort to get them to STOP texting me, I tell them this: "The last couple of days have been crazy.  The other night was fun.  You seem like a very nice person. Honestly, I think we can be friends, however, nothing more.  I need to get back now." 
It's a very efficient way of "Friendzoning" someone.  (BTW - it worked quite well, every time). 

and TEN:  You've been invited to the movies or a party (strange but some people consider these good first dates).  Do you go?  Ask yourself a few questions:  Do you want to see the movie?  Do you know anyone else at the party?  Can you bring a friend? 
If you want to see the movie and think you can tolerate the company of a stranger for up to two-hours, go for it.  OR suggest you make a "group" thing.  You bring a friend, they bring a friend and that way, if things go awry you've got immediate back up. 

Same for the party - take back up with you. 
IF they say NO to the friend thing - ask yourself why? I would see that as a serious red flag and decline immediately, including losing their number. 

I hope these 10 "rules" are helpful.  Feel free to add more and let me know if they've worked for you!  I love to read your comments!  Also, feel free to suggest other blog ideas ... Thanks to K. for suggesting this one! 

Happy Hunting! 

Smooth Operator

Date Number Five:  Mr. Smooth Operator

Ever have one of those days when you are up for anything?  You know, you just have that attitude of "Bring it On! I can handle it!" Yeah, I had one of those days.  I probably should have rolled over and told myself to shut up but, then I wouldn't be able to share this with you.  So, get yourself a beverage and sit back... Mr. Smooth Operator is coming up.

I arrived at work that morning with an abundance of energy and a "can do" attitude.  Now, if you know me this is not something that happens every day.  In fact, it rarely happens.  I mean, I typically am in a good mood (well, good enough) and have enough energy to make to work (typically, on time).  The combination, now that, is a rare occurrence.

I was sitting at my desk and heard my phone vibrate. I picked it up and noticed I had a new message from Mr. S.O.  I had never talked to him before so I opened his profile... he was age appropriate- actually a little older than I liked.  Truth be told, I prefer guys in their 30s (they look better - yea, I'm a bit shallow) AND they like to have fun - go to the club, do cool things and aren't worried about their golf game or retirement (see, I'm not THAT shallow).  Anyway, Mr. S.O. was in his 50's, his pictures said they were recent and weren't awful.  He was tall (6 ft.) and had a job and a car and no kids.  Not going to lie, that last bit made me a little happy.

His message was more than a "Hi" and less than book, so I went with the positive vibes I had going on that morning and answered him back.  We exchanged pleasantries - I found out he worked for the shipyard and was a supervisor.  We bonded over a couple of sentences talking about aircraft carriers ... Don't ask me why, but I sent him a note of let's meet tonight.

I had an unofficial team builder (code for drinking with the workmates) that night and thought it would be a great opportunity to meet someone.  I wouldn't be alone and if he could hang with the workmates, maybe, just maybe, he could hang with me.

I know you must think I'm crazy - and honestly, as I write this, I am considering, you may be right.  But at the time, I thought why not?  Oddly enough, he said yes.  I was surprised - I don't know that I would want to drive 30 minutes to meet a complete stranger and 10 to 15 of their workmates at the same time.  I have to admit, I was impressed.  Now ... if he only shows up.

We continued to text throughout the day and before I knew it, it was time to go.  The unofficial team builder (UTB) started at 5pm (happy hour only went to 7pm) and Mr. S.O. was expected at 7pm.  The UTB was going well and everyone was having a good time.  I had told most of the team what was going on and they were all pretty good natured about it.

It was approximately 7pm and in walked Mr. S.O.  He carried himself with an air of confidence (this was a plus) and headed right for me, as if he knew me.  He introduced himself and we hugged (I'm beginning to accept this is how one says hello to someone they've never met).  The conversation was easy enough. He did have one negative - he smoked.  A lot.  and not just cigarettes  I have a firm no drug policy.  I don't really care if others do it but I don't want to date someone who partakes.  I'm allergic to smoke and stupid, for me they tended to go hand-in-hand.

I can't remember the conversation - most of it was inane and of little consequence, however, after a few drinks, I was smiling and after all, that's what it's all about - me.  Right?

He mentioned he wanted to go smoke in the smoking section so I introduced him to a few of workmates that also smoked.  Her name was Lola.  Lola liked to smoke (only cigarettes).  She is also single and not completely unfortunate looking (at all).  I asked Lola if she minded escorting Mr. S.O. to the smoking room for a moment.  She, of course, had no issue with that.  Afterall, I had already asked Mr. S.O. if he had any friends he could hook Lola up with.  She assisted with this endeavor throughout the night.

Off they went.  Mr. S.O., Lola and a few others that shall remain nameless.  The night progressed.  We drank, we did shots, and we laughed.  The group was beginning to wind down and go their separate ways.  Soon enough, it was Lola, Lady E., Mr. S.O. and myself.  Then Lola made her excuses.

Lady E. and I had not seen each other in a long time so we spent a lot of time catching up.  I tried to include Mr. S.O. in the conversation but he didn't seem to mind.  He was standing next to me, occasionally sneaking in a kiss to my forehead (isn't that sweet?) or rubbing his hand up my back.  Very attentive without crowding.  Maybe it was the drinking? or maybe it was because I thought "he's older, I can trust him." Yeah, whatever it was, it was wrong.  More on that in a minute.

Ultimately, Mr. S.O. begged off as well.  Lady E. and I were still talking so it was fine with me.  Before he took his leave, he bent down and whispered in my ear ... "This weekend, let's do something, just you and me... yes?"

"Yes," I said with a silly grin still looking at Lady E. and thinking of his mouth so close to my ear.

He stood, kissed my cheek and took his leave.  I still had that silly grin on my face as I continued my conversation with Lady E.

Now, I know you were expecting details and something odd to happen - as per my previous dates.  This guy didn't have anything odd or distinctly off.  He was nice, attentive, gave me my space, could carry a conversation with others without help ... I mean, this guy had everything in comparison to my previous dates.  In fact, he had something I didn't even know about ... Lola's number.

Is that the end? No, not yet!  Fast forward to the next morning.  I'm at work.  I hadn't heard anything from Mr. S.O. but then I hadn't expected to.  I was thinking about texting him though.  I kinda felt bad for half ignoring him all night by talking to Lady E. for so long.  I decided to text him.

"Good Morning.  I had a lovely time last night, thanks! I'm sorry I didn't give you my full attention - I was just so glad to see my friend after so long.  I am looking forward to this weekend - just the two of us," I wrote feeling good about it.

Just then and instant message popped up ..."Hi," Lola wrote.  "Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, what's up?" I wrote.

"Hey, how well do you know Mr. S.O.," Lola asked sheepishly as she approached my desk.

"I don't really, I just met him last night. Why?" I asked.

"Um, he texted me last night," Lola said.  To say I was surprised is an understatement.  So many things ran through my mind - why? how? wtf?

"And...?" I asked.

"I didn't text him back," Lola said with fervor.

"Okay, what did he say? " I asked.  Lola was a little uncomfortable (I mean, who wouldn't be?)

 She said, "It said, 'If things between Diane and I don't work out, would you be interested?'"

I went from surprised to ... what an arse!  Here I texted him less than an hour prior saying, "can't wait till this weekend..." bs and he is trying to set himself up with my friend? just in case?  Seriously?

Lola explained to me that he had asked for her number -"to give to his friends" so Lola could hook up with said friends. Now, don't be mad at Lola - I'm going to say alcohol had something to do with Lola's obviously impaired judgment and blame the dude.  He was trying to be a player.

How does one respond with grace and yet make a point?  Lola and I went back and forth as to how to react to him ... should I text him from her phone? Should I just delete him and forget him?  Should she text him and tell him off?

I let it marinate for a second and decided to text him this:

"Then again, I'm not interested.  Sidebar: Lola, too, is not interested.  May want to work on your moves. #chicksbeforedicks"

Point made, point taken (I hope) and we're through here... Date number five, concluded.

Houdini

Number Four: It must be MAGIC!

So far, the guys have been blah with no excitement what so ever.  Not to mention the whole compatibility factor in the single digits.  Which brings me to victim, I mean, date number four.  Ah, Houdini, he was good; at least I thought so.  Good to talk to, good to relate with, good sounding and not half bad to look at until he wasn't.

Let me back up a little, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.  Houdini was from Plenty of Fish.  I am on more than one online dating site, as are most people who employ this version of dating.  One thing guys and gals, if I may point it out.  If you are going to use multiple sites, change up your photos.  Pictures are the number one way to recognize someone and if you use the same ones on all the different sites, it's very hard to "change" who you are in the profiles, although some of you may try, smh. Just a little food for thought. 

So, where was I?  Ahhh, Houdini.  He was a single guy (or was he?) with a teenaged son.  He said his son was 17 years old.  I like children.  I have three of my own but to be honest, I am so over raising children.  I hated going to the PTA meetings with my kids, why would I volunteer to do it again for someone else's children? (As if the PTA is the only thing to worry about when raising a kid - ahh, PTSD for PTA).  Anyway, enough about that, Houdini's son was a none issue, at this point.

The beginning - Houdini and I talked one time on the phone prior to meeting up.  (I still haven't decided on how much pre-date  interaction is needed so I'm trying a little of everything.)  He had a nice voice and laughed at my corny jokes so I agreed to meet him for drinks at a new local establishment.

The day came and I was talking about my date at work.  One of my girls said she needed a drink, too.  I asked her to come along as a "chaperone/ witness/ get out of jail free card".  "Sure! "Why not, I need entertainment!, she said as she laughed.

The plan was to both go to the place but I would go first and then she would arrive a few minutes later.  It went off without a hitch.  I got to the central bar and he was waiting for me.  He recognized me (not hard to do with my platinum hair) and came over and hugged me, hello.  I was a bit taken aback but hey, I went with it.

He mentioned the place, and pointed out different areas (it has a number of restaurants and bars all in the same location, of which we were seated at the main, central bar).  It was my first time there.

"So, have you eaten?" he asked.

"No, but I'm not really hungry," I said having to tame my PTSD from the last dinner date gone bad. "Maybe later."

"Okay, no problem," he said.

We ordered a couple of drinks (him, beer and me, cider).  Conversation started to flow pretty well.  We talked a little about a number of subjects, then he checked his phone.  Typically, this isn't a big deal.  He was quite apologetic as well.

"I'm so sorry, this is my son.  Do you mind?" he asked.

"No, of course not," I said as I turned to scan the room.  I found my friend from work.  We'll call her, "Katniss". Katniss was sitting across from me on the other side of the bar.  She waved and I waved back as I looked to Houdini to see if he noticed.  Nope, he was still looking at his phone.

He finished his texting and said, "my son wanted some information about a gift for a family member I told him I would help him find."

"Oh okay. So, everything is okay?," I asked with a smile as I took a sip of my cider.

"Yes, now, where were we? Right!  Food. I'm starving, I'll be right back with some food," he said.  And off he went looking for food, phone in hand.  I distinctly remember saying I did not want dinner but okay.

He returned in a few minutes and put his phone on the bar turned over.  I didn't think too much of it.  Conversation started again.

"Do you like sports?" he asked.

"I can take them or leave them," I said.

"Oh, I love sports - sports are awesome! I need sports everyday!" he said.

"Wow! so what is your favorite sport?," I asked.

"Football, of course!  I just love football...excuse me, I need to take this," he said as he reached for his phone.  He must have really good hearing because I could barely hear him talking to me, let alone my phone ringing.

I looked across and saw Katniss talking with two men.  I could tell she was talking about me because she kept looking over at me and smiling and pointing.  I got up and went over to say hello after all,  Houdini had walked away to take his call.

Katniss introduced me to her "friends".  They were briefed about her "job" this night - being there in case I needed her.  Bob and Larry seemed nice enough.  Both older gentlemen, they applauded my efforts and the self-confidence needed to go on blind dates in hope of making a connection, theoretically out of thin air.  I laughed, they were not far off.  We chatted while I kept an eye on Houdini.  I saw he had started to walk back toward the bar... I made my excuses and left to join him.

As I got back to my original seat, Houdini was there and magically, so was a pizza with barbeque chicken and french fries on it.  Interesting combo to say the least.

Houdini began eating and proceeded to tell me he was from Philadelphia.  I was intrigued because I am from outside of Philadelphia.

"So, where in Philly are you from?." I asked as I bit into a fry.

"I'm from Boyertown," he said, sneaking a glance at his phone.

"Oh, well, that's not really Philly, right?  I mean that's like - what? more than an hour North of Philly, depending on the traffic," I said catching him texting.

"Oh, you know the area?" he asked, still texting.

"Yes, because I'm from about 30 minutes North of Philly, myself," I said smiling, thinking 'hey here's something we have in common'.

He looked up from his phone.  "Oh, yea, okay.  Great," he said as he looked down at his phone to text again.  He was alternating between picking up food and picking up his phone.

Katniss shot me a glance of "How's it going?" and I sent her the look of indifference with my eyebrows raised.  This guy was obviously more interested in his "son's" texting than anything else. Well, except food. 

Although I will say Houdini did pretty well with trying to continue two conversations at the same time.  One on his phone and one with me. He brought up the Eagles.

"How about those Eagles!?" he asked as he lifted his head. 

"Umm, are they doing well? Normally, they suck," I said with a shrug and a giggle.  (What part of I don't watch sports don't you get?)

"Oh, right, so do you play a musical instrument?" he asked, "I love music."

"I play the radio... I can even change stations when I need to," I said with a sarcastic tone.  This conversation was going NO WHERE!

"Ha ha, (literally, he said Ha, ha) what about getting laid? You into that?" he asked. 

Well, this conversation escalated quickly.  "Well, I wouldn't call it 'getting laid' per se ... ummm, wow!  Run out of other topics to talk about?" I asked as he looked down to read a text.

Revel in the silence... I did.  I tried to rescue? the conversation ...  I made a couple of jokes about the Eagles (not hard to do) - most people only like them because they are doing well this year.  I love the bandwagon fans! And music, I like EDM - no instruments required - which club associates with Tomorrow Land?  As for the physical pursuits I told him I was into dance...and no, Country music is not dancing (as far as I was concerned) and surfing ... no water or board needed, just a couch and netflix, baby!  Obviously, I'm into many other things - but he was looking for some very specific physical activities that I would not even consider (and that's saying something).

"So, do you live alone?" he asked.

"Most of the time, but sometimes no... oh look, there's a friend of mine from work!" I said as I waved a grand hello to Katniss.  She laughed and waved back in an equally over-exaggerated way. He looked up and noticed however, was still obviously torn between live and memorex (lol, just kidding) texting. 

"Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?" he asked as he stood up, looking at his phone.

"Sure, it's over there," I said as I pointed to the Eastern corner of the building.

"Okay, great eye! I'm going to go to the bathroom," he said, as he texted and started to walk.

"No problem, when you get back I'm going to go to the bathroom, too," I said.

"Cool," he said, already engrossed in whatever message he had received.

I watched him turn to go to the bathroom.  I got up to head over to Katniss.  Bob and Larry greeted me.

"How's the interview going?" Bob asked.

"Ha, I hadn't thought about it that way... he's not doing well.  He's constantly on his phone," I said.

"Ahhh, well, then he is failing the interview," Larry said.

"Yes, I believe you are correct," I said.  No job for you, mister Houdini. 

Bob and Larry went on to give me some valuable advice:  If someone is more interested in their phone than having a conversation with you, they are not worth your time.  Their loss.

I have to admit, that's great advice and if I ever were to see Bob or Larry again, I would thank them.

Houdini came back to the bar.  I saw him and I went over to him.

"I just went over to see my friend.  I'm going to go to the bathroom now," I said.

"Okay, no problem," he said with his face in his phone.

I walked over to Katniss.  She and I went to the bathroom.  We weren't in there overly long.  Just long enough to use the facilities, wash our hands and walk out.  That's when I noticed...

Houdini had disappeared. The pizza tray was still on the bar.  My jacket was still on the back of the chair.  My beverage sat there untouched but all evidence of Houdini was gone.  Just gone.

Bob and Larry said they saw nothing.  The bartender said the tab was paid.  So, in the three minutes it took Katniss and me to go to the bathroom, Houdini did an impressive disappearing act.  I stayed at the bar with Katniss for another half hour thinking of what I may have done to prompt that kind of response or maybe he had an emergency?  Maybe he'd text?  You know, I sure as hell wasn't going to.  If he wanted to pull that kind of disappearing act - more power to you Sweetheart.  I was bored anyway.  Maybe Aliens came and snatched him up?  Or there was space-time wormhole and he got swallowed up?  Hope he could do better with conversation when it came to others because for me, he sucked.  Yup, I said it.  I pride myself on being non-judgmental and open but this guy?  He was a bullet dodged!  Good riddance. 

Date four concluded. (Two snaps and a wave bye-bye.)