Houdini

Number Four: It must be MAGIC!

So far, the guys have been blah with no excitement what so ever.  Not to mention the whole compatibility factor in the single digits.  Which brings me to victim, I mean, date number four.  Ah, Houdini, he was good; at least I thought so.  Good to talk to, good to relate with, good sounding and not half bad to look at until he wasn't.

Let me back up a little, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.  Houdini was from Plenty of Fish.  I am on more than one online dating site, as are most people who employ this version of dating.  One thing guys and gals, if I may point it out.  If you are going to use multiple sites, change up your photos.  Pictures are the number one way to recognize someone and if you use the same ones on all the different sites, it's very hard to "change" who you are in the profiles, although some of you may try, smh. Just a little food for thought. 

So, where was I?  Ahhh, Houdini.  He was a single guy (or was he?) with a teenaged son.  He said his son was 17 years old.  I like children.  I have three of my own but to be honest, I am so over raising children.  I hated going to the PTA meetings with my kids, why would I volunteer to do it again for someone else's children? (As if the PTA is the only thing to worry about when raising a kid - ahh, PTSD for PTA).  Anyway, enough about that, Houdini's son was a none issue, at this point.

The beginning - Houdini and I talked one time on the phone prior to meeting up.  (I still haven't decided on how much pre-date  interaction is needed so I'm trying a little of everything.)  He had a nice voice and laughed at my corny jokes so I agreed to meet him for drinks at a new local establishment.

The day came and I was talking about my date at work.  One of my girls said she needed a drink, too.  I asked her to come along as a "chaperone/ witness/ get out of jail free card".  "Sure! "Why not, I need entertainment!, she said as she laughed.

The plan was to both go to the place but I would go first and then she would arrive a few minutes later.  It went off without a hitch.  I got to the central bar and he was waiting for me.  He recognized me (not hard to do with my platinum hair) and came over and hugged me, hello.  I was a bit taken aback but hey, I went with it.

He mentioned the place, and pointed out different areas (it has a number of restaurants and bars all in the same location, of which we were seated at the main, central bar).  It was my first time there.

"So, have you eaten?" he asked.

"No, but I'm not really hungry," I said having to tame my PTSD from the last dinner date gone bad. "Maybe later."

"Okay, no problem," he said.

We ordered a couple of drinks (him, beer and me, cider).  Conversation started to flow pretty well.  We talked a little about a number of subjects, then he checked his phone.  Typically, this isn't a big deal.  He was quite apologetic as well.

"I'm so sorry, this is my son.  Do you mind?" he asked.

"No, of course not," I said as I turned to scan the room.  I found my friend from work.  We'll call her, "Katniss". Katniss was sitting across from me on the other side of the bar.  She waved and I waved back as I looked to Houdini to see if he noticed.  Nope, he was still looking at his phone.

He finished his texting and said, "my son wanted some information about a gift for a family member I told him I would help him find."

"Oh okay. So, everything is okay?," I asked with a smile as I took a sip of my cider.

"Yes, now, where were we? Right!  Food. I'm starving, I'll be right back with some food," he said.  And off he went looking for food, phone in hand.  I distinctly remember saying I did not want dinner but okay.

He returned in a few minutes and put his phone on the bar turned over.  I didn't think too much of it.  Conversation started again.

"Do you like sports?" he asked.

"I can take them or leave them," I said.

"Oh, I love sports - sports are awesome! I need sports everyday!" he said.

"Wow! so what is your favorite sport?," I asked.

"Football, of course!  I just love football...excuse me, I need to take this," he said as he reached for his phone.  He must have really good hearing because I could barely hear him talking to me, let alone my phone ringing.

I looked across and saw Katniss talking with two men.  I could tell she was talking about me because she kept looking over at me and smiling and pointing.  I got up and went over to say hello after all,  Houdini had walked away to take his call.

Katniss introduced me to her "friends".  They were briefed about her "job" this night - being there in case I needed her.  Bob and Larry seemed nice enough.  Both older gentlemen, they applauded my efforts and the self-confidence needed to go on blind dates in hope of making a connection, theoretically out of thin air.  I laughed, they were not far off.  We chatted while I kept an eye on Houdini.  I saw he had started to walk back toward the bar... I made my excuses and left to join him.

As I got back to my original seat, Houdini was there and magically, so was a pizza with barbeque chicken and french fries on it.  Interesting combo to say the least.

Houdini began eating and proceeded to tell me he was from Philadelphia.  I was intrigued because I am from outside of Philadelphia.

"So, where in Philly are you from?." I asked as I bit into a fry.

"I'm from Boyertown," he said, sneaking a glance at his phone.

"Oh, well, that's not really Philly, right?  I mean that's like - what? more than an hour North of Philly, depending on the traffic," I said catching him texting.

"Oh, you know the area?" he asked, still texting.

"Yes, because I'm from about 30 minutes North of Philly, myself," I said smiling, thinking 'hey here's something we have in common'.

He looked up from his phone.  "Oh, yea, okay.  Great," he said as he looked down at his phone to text again.  He was alternating between picking up food and picking up his phone.

Katniss shot me a glance of "How's it going?" and I sent her the look of indifference with my eyebrows raised.  This guy was obviously more interested in his "son's" texting than anything else. Well, except food. 

Although I will say Houdini did pretty well with trying to continue two conversations at the same time.  One on his phone and one with me. He brought up the Eagles.

"How about those Eagles!?" he asked as he lifted his head. 

"Umm, are they doing well? Normally, they suck," I said with a shrug and a giggle.  (What part of I don't watch sports don't you get?)

"Oh, right, so do you play a musical instrument?" he asked, "I love music."

"I play the radio... I can even change stations when I need to," I said with a sarcastic tone.  This conversation was going NO WHERE!

"Ha ha, (literally, he said Ha, ha) what about getting laid? You into that?" he asked. 

Well, this conversation escalated quickly.  "Well, I wouldn't call it 'getting laid' per se ... ummm, wow!  Run out of other topics to talk about?" I asked as he looked down to read a text.

Revel in the silence... I did.  I tried to rescue? the conversation ...  I made a couple of jokes about the Eagles (not hard to do) - most people only like them because they are doing well this year.  I love the bandwagon fans! And music, I like EDM - no instruments required - which club associates with Tomorrow Land?  As for the physical pursuits I told him I was into dance...and no, Country music is not dancing (as far as I was concerned) and surfing ... no water or board needed, just a couch and netflix, baby!  Obviously, I'm into many other things - but he was looking for some very specific physical activities that I would not even consider (and that's saying something).

"So, do you live alone?" he asked.

"Most of the time, but sometimes no... oh look, there's a friend of mine from work!" I said as I waved a grand hello to Katniss.  She laughed and waved back in an equally over-exaggerated way. He looked up and noticed however, was still obviously torn between live and memorex (lol, just kidding) texting. 

"Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?" he asked as he stood up, looking at his phone.

"Sure, it's over there," I said as I pointed to the Eastern corner of the building.

"Okay, great eye! I'm going to go to the bathroom," he said, as he texted and started to walk.

"No problem, when you get back I'm going to go to the bathroom, too," I said.

"Cool," he said, already engrossed in whatever message he had received.

I watched him turn to go to the bathroom.  I got up to head over to Katniss.  Bob and Larry greeted me.

"How's the interview going?" Bob asked.

"Ha, I hadn't thought about it that way... he's not doing well.  He's constantly on his phone," I said.

"Ahhh, well, then he is failing the interview," Larry said.

"Yes, I believe you are correct," I said.  No job for you, mister Houdini. 

Bob and Larry went on to give me some valuable advice:  If someone is more interested in their phone than having a conversation with you, they are not worth your time.  Their loss.

I have to admit, that's great advice and if I ever were to see Bob or Larry again, I would thank them.

Houdini came back to the bar.  I saw him and I went over to him.

"I just went over to see my friend.  I'm going to go to the bathroom now," I said.

"Okay, no problem," he said with his face in his phone.

I walked over to Katniss.  She and I went to the bathroom.  We weren't in there overly long.  Just long enough to use the facilities, wash our hands and walk out.  That's when I noticed...

Houdini had disappeared. The pizza tray was still on the bar.  My jacket was still on the back of the chair.  My beverage sat there untouched but all evidence of Houdini was gone.  Just gone.

Bob and Larry said they saw nothing.  The bartender said the tab was paid.  So, in the three minutes it took Katniss and me to go to the bathroom, Houdini did an impressive disappearing act.  I stayed at the bar with Katniss for another half hour thinking of what I may have done to prompt that kind of response or maybe he had an emergency?  Maybe he'd text?  You know, I sure as hell wasn't going to.  If he wanted to pull that kind of disappearing act - more power to you Sweetheart.  I was bored anyway.  Maybe Aliens came and snatched him up?  Or there was space-time wormhole and he got swallowed up?  Hope he could do better with conversation when it came to others because for me, he sucked.  Yup, I said it.  I pride myself on being non-judgmental and open but this guy?  He was a bullet dodged!  Good riddance. 

Date four concluded. (Two snaps and a wave bye-bye.)